星期一, 5月 16, 2005
Be scared or stronger?
Today, I am so freaked out and strolled around my house, and I could not help sighing aloud and making me so uncomfortable. 'Coz usually I should sit in my cozy room, which the temperature about 20 degree, working very hard on my lovely laptop... So I even start to play my favourite song - "Whenever you will go" sing by The calling, hope to adjust back my mood. Yet, the method doesn't work and totally lost effect at all and I kept on making noisy notes out of my fingers.What is wrong with me? I asked myself. I think it's the fear of so many uncertainties in the coming year after my graduation on june. Why am I get scared so deeply at this moment? However, there is still a long way to go, but i still allow my wild-thought affect me. I still have so many things need to be improve, such as my working ability, knowledge and personalities. How many self-reflections do I need to make my self as perfect as possible? Maybe a lot more...
I remember there is a guy name, Derrick, one of my net-friends from taiwan, and he did mention the good point about Hongkies to me, during our chat at the msn messenger. He said, he is so much respect of them, just because of the self-reliant, professional and entrepreneurial. In other word, they are really super working holic. I seem to agree with him, coz my dad is one of them. hEhE!!! I am trying to be like them, but on the other hand, I also want to balance and enjoy my life more. In the end, I don't quite sure whether I could accept such unique working style or not. Maybe in the future, who know...
However, I could not ignore my horros, so I spent one whole hour calling my boyfriend, and spent another three more hours chatting with my best friend - jenny. How upset am I!! And the worst is that when I thought for a long time to find a right person to shot my bad mood, I desperatly found out that my best friend and included my boyfriend would not probably understand my career choice and the big dream inside of me. So sad until I started to questioning myself.Am i too introvert? I would always cater whomever I'm in the conversation with and therefore shape the diversified ME. Am I really too extrordinary to be a happy gal? Sometimes I wish, I could graduate from my university as soon as possible and get a job, then just get married. But I'm just too ambitious!!! I want to travel around the world and cave my name everywhere i goes! hEhE!!! I don't know whether my choice is right or wrong, and will I be able to fulfill my dreams or not.
But since I've chosen it, I have to make the most out of it and be as excellent as I could! That is me!!! Who never say no to myself!!! Out of suddenly, I recalled back what my dad told me, when i was feeling down. He always said: Don't be afraid to be get hurt, 'coz hurt would let myself grow up. Yeah!!! I'm totally agree with him and always felt so motivated and inspirated by those words!!! hEhE!!!
Right now, I'm feel much better and stronger. Thank God!!! Somehow, I always believe that god will be with me. Coz I never loss my strong faith in him, since the day i was born!!! hEhE!!!
Always love you,
Evonne Cheung
網誌創造者 : 張慾娉 ※
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